Being Heard Is So Close to Being Loved

When I am teaching Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication (NVC), I often share something I first saw on the Urban Confessional/Free Listening website:

Being heard is so close to being loved that most of us can't tell the difference.

During the last month I've been doing NVC work with middle schoolers. Whew! I had forgotten what middle school energy was like- I loved being with them and also was worn out by all that pre-teen and young teen energy. Each grade had a distinct feel, but what they had in common with people of any other age that I teach is that they want, like you, like me, to be heard, seen, known, and accepted. Some of them named people who really listen to them- friends, teachers, parents, grandparents. Some of them named people who they really wish would listen to them with more understanding than they currently experience- parents, teachers, siblings.

Being heard is so close to being loved that most of us can't tell the difference.

Listening to them and seeing what they wrote in their reflections made me all the more committed to practicing and teaching NVC. I want everyone to have tools and skills to listen open-heartedly, both to themselves and beyond themselves. I say "beyond themselves" intentionally, because I believe the practice of listening is one that we can, and I hope do, extend beyond humanity. What would our world be like if we people listened more to birds, spiders, flowers, trees, water, rocks?

Would Sparrow feel our love? How might Daffodil respond to our attention? What does Raindrop want us to know?

How would listening to all of Creation shape the way we listen to ourselves and other people?

What do my tense shoulders want me to know? What is underneath that person's disparaging remark? What are the words that other person holds inside, both wanting to share and afraid of what might happen if they do?

How would listening more deeply to ourselves and other people shape our actions?

Being heard is so close to being loved that most of us can't tell the difference.

What do you want to be heard? Who do you want to hear it?

Who listens to you in a way that you know you are heard? Do you listen to yourself with that level of care?

Who do you wish would listen to you and really hear you?

I'd love to know your answers or any of your reflections on these questions.

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Listening to my own heart's longing, listening to feedback from folks who've taken previous classes (thank you!), I am currently working on revising and updating my classes and programming. I'm also getting back into the studio to play and create.

What I can tell you already is that I am excited to offer several in-person classes during the summer that are already open for registration, including Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication classes and Seeking the Shalom of the City. Other offerings... and another bit of exciting news that it's not quite time to share... are still in process. I can't wait to tell you more when it is time!

Blessings,
Cory