Practicing Acceptance

Just a few weeks ago I was excited about starting Reimagining ME: Mindful Explorations, a program for women to explore the forgotten, lost, cut-off parts of ourselves and reclaim (or claim for the first time) our Wisdom. A few days ago I started the process...by myself.

In the weeks leading up to the program start, a few women signed up. Hooray! Their enthusiasm fueled my own. Other women expressed their affirmation and interest in the program. Yay! And then one by one, each of these told me that, for one reason or another, the timing just wasn't right. Every time I heard or read the words, it stung. For a few weeks my being had been hanging precariously in the space between hope, defensiveness ("This is a really great program!"), resolve ("I'm going to make this happen!") and impending grief.

As the days went by, it became ever clearer that this program that I had created, that I loved, that I was excited to share again wasn't going to happen this fall. Working with a mentor, I finally accepted what I didn't want to accept. In that acceptance, I allowed myself both to hear the affirmations ("This looks like an amazing program and I want to do it") and the less-welcome parts of the message ("And now's not the right time."). I allowed myself to grieve the present loss. I allowed myself to accept that sometimes, like now, the timing I want is not in sync with the timing of the Universe, or God, or Spirit, or whatever you may call the force that is both beyond us and holding us.

Once I let it sink in and shed some tears (perhaps not as gracefully as I'd have liked), I began to feel some spaciousness within me. "Okay, so if I'm not doing that, what am I doing this fall?"

Here is what I know so far: I am now able to offer time to some family members in a way I wouldn't have been able to if I were facilitating the program. I may now be able to take a class I wouldn't have been able to take. Several pieces of new work have come my way. I can focus on another idea I had to put down for a time.

And I am accompanying myself through the Reimagining ME process in a way that would be difficult if I were both participating and facilitating. I am curious about how this solo journey will affect how I accompany others the next time.

The next time...With the clarity that "not now" isn't the same as "never again," I have looked ahead to 2022, specifically at Mondays, since that's the day I've offered Reimagining ME before. Valentine's Day 2022 is on a Monday.

"Aaaaah, that's it." What better day to enter into a journey of self-love and discovery than Valentine's Day? It feels aligned. When I spoke to those who had signed up for the fall, several said they are equally ready to join me starting in February.

I know it's still possible that the Universe may have other ideas. Only time will tell.

There have been numerous times when I've thought I knew what and when I was going to do something... or when and how something was going to happen... and the plans, without my consent, took a pivot that jolted me back to the awareness that I don't always have the last say. Jobs coming and going. People coming into and out of my life. Trips planned and cancelled. What happened with Reimagining ME is just one more example.

I'm pretty sure all of us have experienced this over and over...and over again in 2020 and 2021.

So what can we do?

We can practice acceptance.

I want to emphasize that acceptance is, in fact, a practice. Perhaps the practice is guided by the Serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Perhaps the practice is guided by this beautiful chant whose words are:

I release control
and surrender to the flow
of love that will heal me.

Acceptance invites us into the humility of admitting that we can only control so much.

Acceptance invites us to test out whether we believe that there is never failure, only lessons (a mantra I adopted after reading adrienne maree brown's Emergent Strategy).

Acceptance invites us to practice softness through mourning. Miki Kashtan calls it mourning the gap: recognizing and grieving the space that lives between our vision of how we want the world/our lives/something to be and the reality of the world/our lives/something. Mourning connects us to our hearts and often also to other people in ways that resistance does not.

When we have space and allow ourselves to grieve (this space may not be equally afforded to all), we may find that grieving, surrendering to what is, makes space for possibilities we can't see or invite in when we are filling ourselves up with, or armored with, resistance. At the very least, expressing grief and practicing acceptance may offer the relief of release.


How have you responded to unexpected- or perhaps even expected- pivots of life?

When have you been able to practice acceptance during these turns?

When have you resisted?

How did it feel to be in the spaces of acceptance or resistance?

How has allowing grief or "mourning the gap" changed you?

P.S. Though Reimagining ME is no longer a group offering this fall, I do have other workshops and classes coming up. On October 2, I am offering Bridging Divides: Finding Connection in Disconnected Times. In this workshop I'll share strategies for communicating in difficult conversations. We'll have time to discuss the principles and strategies and practice! I have a few other events, too. If you want to know more about them, visit this page.

Also last week, I had the great pleasure of offering a presentation for JustFaith Ministries' 20th Anniversary Celebration: Meeting in the Field: Exploring a Nonviolent Communication Framework. If you're curious about Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication, you can watch the replay of my presentation here (my part starts at 4:30).

Allowing Space for Heaviness and Lightness

Even on days heavy with grief, there are reminders that there is more than grief…

Today I went walking.

Six feathers met me at different points on the path of my meandering.

One sweet, small, delicate feather floated from the sky into my hand.

Seven total.

Bright flowers presented their beauty.

Bees did what bees do, ensuring that the flowers will bloom again, that sweetness will continue to exist in our world.

Seven collected feathers felt like too many to carry away.

What if someone else needed their light reminders of divine presence? We are not alone.

What if someone else needed to remember that freedom and joy are possible? Rising in lightness is within reach, if not in this moment, in another.

I left four feathers in simple formation.

I carried three away.

I suspect that these three will pass from my hands to someone else’s when it is time.

~~~

Feeling the grief is important. Allowing ourselves support to do so- from humans, Spirit, any light-filled source- is also important.

However you are moving through this day and this day is moving through you, I hope that your needs are met in expansive and beautiful ways. I hope you feel the love that surrounds you and the love that lives within you.

Women Claiming Our Wisdom: Reimagining Ourselves

I've been reading Cassandra Speaks by Elizabeth Lesser and participating in a book study through Spirit of Sophia.

Throughout the book, Lesser invites us to examine stories, particularly the stories about women: the stories we're told and the stories that go untold, or get buried, denied, disparaged. She discusses how the women's stories we know often come to us filtered through a male lens, rather than through women themselves. She notes that in dominant culture "masculine" qualities and expressions of power are valued more than "feminine" qualities and expressions of power (or empowerment, since for some of us the word "power" is so linked to its ugly expressions that we don't want to claim it).

She encourages us to tell a multiplicity of stories from a multiplicity of viewpoints, to honor a multiplicity of expressions and contributions, rather than favoring what is considered masculine over what is considered feminine. She encourages us to think more expansively, to reimagine how we think about and participate in our families, our workplaces, our communities, our world. She notes that denying, ignoring, and skewing women's stories (and the full expression of men's stories, too, to be honest) has not served us well. None of us are whole until all of us are whole in this interconnected world. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Earlier this month I participated in a weeklong art class at Arrowmont School of Arts and Crafts. The class focused on drawing and collage and stretched me artistically and personally. During the class, I became aware of ways I've limited my artistic practices and I was so grateful to the teacher who encouraged us to practice and to experiment and experiment and experiment as she gave us ideas of things to try. She reminded us of a mantra I've delivered to others many times: Never a failure, always a lesson. The things that go "wrong" are opportunities to learn from. I was also grateful for my classmates as we shared affirmations, ideas, and questions with each other in a beautifully collaborative way.

In my compassionate communication work, I so often tell people "It's all practice. It's all experiment. Curiosity is our primary tool." Before taking the art class I thought I was practicing what I preached well. The truth is that in some areas of life I am practicing well. In other areas I still need the reminders our teacher gave.

Learning often isn't across-the-board or linear. In one context I may practice my compassionate communication skills the way I aspire to and in another struggle to do so. I may have integrated some learning well in communicating, but not in art-making. The deep learning happens spirals. We cycle through lessons over and over, going deeper and integrating more fully as we encounter (not-always-welcome) opportunities to learn anew.

Approach with curiosity.

Practice.

Experiment.

Recognize the learning, sometimes with celebration, sometimes with mourning.

Repeat.

And do it all with other people if you can.

Though some of our work is solo work, it is more easily done with others. It's helpful to have co-journeyers who can offer affirmations, ideas, and questions, and simply to remind us that we’re not alone. Together we can witness wisdom, experience, and truth in and through ourselves and one another. Together we can shed limiting stories and ways, so that together we can imagine in expansive ways what is possible within us, among us, and around us.

This is why I created my 12-week program Reimagining ME: Mindful Explorations and offered it for the first time in early 2021. This is why I am so excited to offer it a second time. This is why, if you are a woman, I hope you'll join me as we dive or gently step (you get to decide which!) into ourselves in order to rediscover forgotten, lost and cut-off parts and reclaim our wisdom.

Our stories are needed.

Our voices are needs.

Our joy is needed.

Our imagination is needed.

Our conscious mending of interconnection is needed in our fractured world.

This 12-week program starts on September 13. Early bird rates are available through August 31.

To learn more about the program, a partial description is below. For the full description, visit the webpage. If you have questions, please reach out to me at cory@corylockhart.com or schedule a phone call.

Whether this program is or isn't for you, if you know of others who would benefit, please share this information with them! Thank you so much.

Blessings,
Cory